She thinks her bruises are attractive but they only are to me
Who else could find pain as excruciatingly appealing?
She made me a cannibal.
Her perfume filled the hollows in my bones
With every step I took, joint into socket,
I crushed the air and filled myself with her scent.
That was five days ago. And still no sign of her.
Everything is half remembered, seen through a haze
Collected and absorbed by the rain
I taste her name on my lips and my tongue and burn myself with heat of her soul
Down my throat
I can’t take this anymore
I need to feel my fingers wrapped around her bones and hear her whisper how much she loves me and to never let go
I want to break her spine
And shape her, into a new creature
My bird, my pet, my sweet one
My love; a twisted thing
The Private asked for my address
But I couldn’t write to him. Every time I sat behind a desk, an overwhelming feeling of anxiety overtook me.
I struggled for breath. My thoughts escaped me.
So the letters poured in, and I read them all by my window.
So much light through that small glass frame.
“I could bleed in this dry desert, and the earth would suck my blood as though it were a vampire.
“Sometimes I think I hear bells, or chimes, or maybe it’s music, leading me further into this madness. Sometimes I hear singing, and I can’t stop crying, Nadine. I can’t stop crying.
“I could kiss you, from miles away, and maybe you would feel my phantom lips on your brow.”
If I felt anything at all, it might be regret.
But people like me, we always survive the wars.
We don’t believe in anything, and we have nothing left.
Nothing to write about. Just a lonely body, occupying some space for while.
There is no hostility in my inconsiderate actions. I just never learned to care.
I hope this letter reaches you, in good health.
It’s Windier Outside than I Thought
I parted her like the Red Sea I might dream of anything tonight
What a relief
Tell me, Tel Aviv
What is in store for me?
“I love you,” cried the chief of police
But he didn’t even need me
Distinct voids you can crawl into
Bruises from another man
Has it already been a week?
You wear your anger so well
Like a crown upon your brow
Just like a king on display
At the motel lobby across the street
And as I walk by I stare into your eyes
Rude, perhaps, I know
But no one knows me in this part of town anyway
Constantina and the Apple
Are you thinking about me?
Do you find yourself envisioning the sweet grasp of my thighs?
The love I have for you, is confined in your skin
Of course I lied to you
Why wouldn’t I?
You took my name in vain
I bled for him
Gained nothing for the slaughter
There are bodies buried in our orchard
Children with no names
No words were spoken the night I took my vows
Under the moonlight, every smile seems insane
And when our bodies connected we felt acute paradise
Lead me into your Orchard
Give me a new name
I want to become heaven
And the fruit in your trees
Feel your teeth break my skin
Oh, this sweet release
The King Of Coal
The man is apparatus
The kingdom by the sea
The Holy Orchard and the fruit he picks for me
The child in me grows no longer
The life is incomplete
Still I bleed and draw your name upon my sheets
He set the truth ablaze
And burned down all the towers
The city was in ashes
The moon was overpowered
The rains came and swept the madness into the ocean.
Torrents of gray, whitewashed devotion.
It is there, where, I tasted you again.
My love, he burns for me.
What a sight to behold.
A Roman candle; a weathered bone.
I can’t let myself fall back into you.
One false move and you’ll be breathing down my neck.
My kingdom for your apples.That is all I have left.
Time is a greedy little fucker and I’m always giving in
Should I spill my heart in this letter? Nah, I’ll stay moderate
My soul defends it
My heart comes to rest within a birds nest
Nestled between all the glittery things you love to collect
I’m just a trinket
A bauble, an opal on a finger that will turn green
A decorative piece of shit
I want to dress you in baby tears and smoke from my cigarette
Your eyes shine amber like empty whiskey bottles in a starlit gutter
I want to bathe you in lavender and wet dreams Bound unbound
Still I sleep, wrapped in Hershey wrappers and your empty pill bottles littering my bed
I’ll lick the drops of liquor you left on the floor when you stumbled into my room at six a.m.
What is wrong with me?
I’m just resting in the gap between your eyes and your mind
She was not a fire, I could easily put out
She was a pill
Dry swallowed and bitter
Caught in my throat
She was just another person to distrust
But I wanted her all the same
God forgive me, I did.
Our bodies were lean like the frigid nights cold sweat
Mad hell bent schemes
Cigarette soaked walls full of vomit stains and depressed single mothers crying in the next room over while the kid is screaming from lack of oxygen
Let me be
I don’t know if I can make it again
Too many days of wrought iron teeth ripping
Baked by the California sun
The mouths always meager
Puckered and distrustful
The sweat soaked lozenge
Sucking on metal
I don’t care about your rivers your lakes your forests
I have my own nature to pollute
I am male female
I am love I am lover
I am rippling torso I am chiseled back
I am the sweet brush of lips and caress of skin
I will void the meaning of the words you fought so hard to learn
Life can be claimed can be tamed
Love can be abused can be profane
And we will all die with uncertainty in our hearts
In our names
My cravings give me pleasure, but no satisfaction
Give me pulse but no transfusion
my cravings will bring me down
And you along with me
We’ll kiss like bride and groom and taste ash in our mouth
Swallow the burning coal
See it gently fall
Nestle between lungs and bristle and bone
I am male I am female
I am conqueror.
I am captive.
What a glorious day this will be